So I always start out the beginning of the year with the best of intentions and almost every year about this time I discover I have fallen off the diet band wagon, strayed into the forest of junk food, dived straight into the pit of yumminess….. however you want to think of it – I’ve blown my diet intentions. Fortunately – this year I’ve realized I’ve let myself slide into bad habits, before gaining back the 5 pounds I’ve managed to lose this year. You see food and I have a love hate relationship – I love to eat food all kinds of food, I even love to cook food. But I hate the way food sticks to my body and makes it bigger than ever. About 6 years ago I managed to lose about 75 pounds and I’ve since managed to gain a good chunk of it back. Of course I didn’t lose it in a good way – I was bulimic – I guess I should say I am bulimic. I don’t think the temptation to turn back to the easy way out ever completely goes away. That’s my guilty secret. That’s the temptation I deal with whenever I try to diet. I haven’t made myself throw up since my husband and I decided to try to have a baby. That’s been over three years ago – quickly approaching four. I can’t say I haven’t thought about it…. because I have. But I am trying to get healthy in healthy way. Trying to exercise and eat better…. sometimes I hear the siren’s whisper of the single girl I used to be tempting me to toss the cookies I’ve just eaten. You see when I was an active bulimic I was throwing up every time I ate – even when I ate healthy. The weight just flew off then. I’m not a patient person – I’ve always struggled with my lack of patience. I want results right away – I think that’s why dieting is so hard for me. I wish I could lose weight as quickly as the people do on “The Biggest Loser”. Okay yes I understand that they do nothing but focus on their weight and they have trained professionals helping them…. but it would be a lot easier for me to stick to a diet if I could see immediate results on the scale instead of just a pound here and there. So I’m praying for strength, willpower, and patience as I crawl back on my bandwagon and head off to bed. Tomorrow is another day.