The Giants in my Life

I am reading “Facing Your Giants” by Max Lucado right now. I haven’t gotten very far into the book – only a chapter or two, but it’s one of those books that really has begun to make me think. I’ve begun to question myself and wonder what my giants are – and well I think I’ve got them all figured out. The interesting thing is I didn’t really know what the book was about when I started reading it. It was just a book that looked interesting and was on the sale table at Family Christian Book Store – so I picked it up a few months ago and it has set in my book basket since then. Over the weekend I finished one book and was looking for something new to read and ended up pulling that one out of the basket. I find it an interesting choice for this point in my life b/c I seem to be facing down some of my giants and acknowledging that they exist.

The first example of a giant that hit me right off the bat was the looming observation lesson I will be teaching for an untold amount of teachers during a conference. See one of my giants is my lack of confidence in my ability as a teacher and the feeling of being observed and coming up lacking. Well here I go climbing that beanstalk to wage war with a giant I have struggled with all of my life – INSECURITY. I’ve battled this giant off and on my whole life and I’ll be completely honest I’ve never won a single squirmish with this giant. I’ve always come out hurting and lacking a single ounce of confidence or belief in myself. There’ve been a few times in my life where I thought I was winning, but I wasn’t. I had just shoved that giant into a corner and ignored him, and ignoring the giant doesn’t make him go away. It just gives him more power over my life.

The second giant has reared his ugly head in the last few days -INFERTILITY. That giant has been lurking in corners for the last few months – waiting for his moment to pounce and remind me “Hey here I am” I’m the giant that can keep you from your biggest hopes and dreams. I’m the giant that had laid siege to your home for two and a half years. I’m the giant that brought you to your knees repetitively. I’m the giant that broke your heart and made you cry until your eyes were dry and your head ached. I’m the giant that almost won – the giant that could have, would have won. I’m the giant you can’t conquer or change on your own.

So far what Mr. Lucado has been pointing out in his book is that only by keeping his eyes on God and not letting the giant cloud his vision was David able to win and defeat Goliath. All the other Isrealites were so awed by Goliath’s size, reputation, and smell that they forgot to keep their eyes on God.

I’ve been in David’s position before. I faced down the giant Infertility once. I should have known, remembered how to approach him. Somehow I forgot my battle strategy. I forgot that God already helped me conquer Infertility once – but he couldn’t/ wouldn’t help until I was broken, until I was on my knees, surrendering all my hurt and sorrow and anger to the one who was in control. I had to acknowledge that this was not a war I could fight on my own – that this was a war for a greater power and he could lead me and heal my heart if I would let him.

So I’m preparing to wage war on two giants. I’m trying to turn my eyes to God and not let those giants intimidate me with their size or their presence. I’m taking babysteps and I’m trying to take the time to find my knees and talk to God about my giants. I’m trying to remember to have faith in a power that is so much greater than me…. in a power that has saved me repetitively in ways that are much greater than I could save myself.

So have I made you think? Are you putting names on your giants? What giants hide in corners in your life and rear their ugly heads at you?

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