My confession

I have a confession to make. I don’t know how to pray. Well – I guess I should say I’m uncomfortable praying. When I was growing up we always did the “Now I lay me down to sleep” prayer and the “God is good” prayer at dinner…but we never really did pray as a family. At big holiday meals my dad would say a prayer. It’s strange really that I don’t remember my dad praying more. He was the most Christian man I know. Maybe he prayed in private I don’t know. I just know that I am an adult and I don’t pray nearly as often as I should. When Steve and I were in the middle of our first round of ttc, I prayed all the time. I hit my knees and I prayed and cried and talked to God. Then throughout the pregnancy we prayed constantly. Once Davey was born, though, I don’t know what happened – I guess I thought things were going good and I didn’t need to pray. Sadly now that I’m raising a little boy I should be praying more not less. I have good intentions at night. I lay down in bed and try to have a conversation with God in my head. But I usually fall asleep in the middle and forget everything I meant to tell him. So last night before crawling into bed I got back down on my knees and SAID a prayer – not just thought it in my head. I don’t know why it’s so hard to SAY a prayer verses think a prayer. Why should I feel self concious about other people (in this case Steve) hearing my prayer. He knows the things I’m praying about. I think we both struggle with the same problem – praying outloud when other people can hear us. Both of us are horribly uncomfortable praying out loud for our small group – and we need to change that. I don’t want Davey growing up – uncomfortable with praying. So my goal is to begin praying every night before bed and before dinner as a family.

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2 thoughts on “My confession

  1. I think that's a pretty normal feeling. Our prayers are so personal — sincere prayer is such a window into our hearts. We feel vulnerable. But I swear it's one of the best glues in marriage and parenting. And it gets easier!

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