Weekend Update

This was a BUSY weekend in H-ton. Friday I hurried home after work and dealing with a crazy parent to get ready to head to Fort Wayne. We were planning to go Mother’s Day shopping for the grandma’s and get plants and misc at Menards. As I was changing WeeMan’s pants, hubby’s phone rang. His parents who had said they would be in town Saturday on their way home from Florida (They’re snowbirds) were here already. So they came over to visit for a bit before getting a hotel. After they left we headed up to the city about an hour later than planned. But we were able to get everything done. Menards for plants, Micheals for pic frames for my mom’s Mother’s Day (we had pics taken of WeeMan and his cousin for her), gift card to Home Depot for mil so she can get plants, Steak and Shake for a quick dinner, and then Kohl’s for new tennies for me (I got some Skecher’s Shape Ups – they’re surprisingly comfy) By the time we got home it was close to 10 and WeeMan was OUT. We tucked him in and then hubby and I cuddled on the couch and watched The Lord of the Rings – The Fellowship of the Ring and ate popcorn.

Saturday morning the in laws were over bright and early. I left them playing with WeeMan and visiting with hubby and went over to the church to clean – it’s our small groups turn. Then we visited some more and went to lunch at Johnny’s. They left right after lunch. WeeMan and I did some grocery shopping at Aldi’s and hubby went to the dork store to play. Saturday night we went to the mission fundraiser for the kids at church. They had a hog roast and an auction. We ended up using a good sized chunk of our tax refund and buying WeeMan’s favorite babysitter in the auction. So we have 8 hours of babysitting – that’s about 2 or 3 good date nights. The kids are going to the Ukraine in June to lead VBS in the inner city of Kiev. They had a great turnout Saturday night and raised about $6400 towards their trip.

This morning WeeMan and I skipped church. I woke up with the beginnings of a migraine and TIRED. Hubby went ahead and went – he had to do lights today. He took notes during the sermon and brought them home for me. (This is huge for hubby, when we first got married I had to practically drag him to church) This afternoon in between rain showers while WeeMan napped I was able to get most of my plants from Friday planted in pots. Next project is the garden.

Okay – now I’m going to hit you with something that’s been on my mind lately and I’m struggling with a bit. One of my friends has decided she and her hubby want to have another baby. In normal circumstances I’d be thrilled, but with this friend everything has always been a competition. For example hubby and I got engaged… a couple of weeks later she and hubby’s cousin got engaged – then rushed through and got married in August – we got married in December. Another example is hubby and I started trying to have a baby – had been trying for about two years and had just moved on to getting ready for IVF – she and her hubby (who originally thought we were idiots for having kids and frequently shared that opinion with us) decided they wanted to have a baby – of course they got pregnant after she had been off the pill for a month. I could go on but you get the idea – it’s a constant which one of us do the hubbies family like better kind of battle. (Or that’s what it feels like) Well here we go again – stupid me shared with her that we had an appt with Dr. B to talk about IVF again and now about two months after sharing that – I start to hear from the other girls at church that this friend is trying to get pregnant too – she went off the pill last month (I won’t get into the fact that her hubby is not working and she is low man on a job that may be laying people off soon or that she said one was more than enough for them just a few months ago. ) Here’s the thing that’s bothering me – this friend is supposed to be my best friend and she hasn’t even told me they are trying yet. Last weekend I walked up on a conversation she was having with another couple from church what I heard was her saying “might be” then the other couple saying “Well if you are congratulations and that would mean I’d have a little baby to hold again in the nursery. I’m so excited for you. ” I was in shock as someone who stuggles with infertility it’s not easy to digest when a friend says their pregnant. It’s not that you’re not happy for them – you are… it’s just that it feels like someone punched you in the stomach and knocked the wind out of you for a bit. Yeah it hurts and it takes a bit to process. So I walked away and didn’t say anything. I wasn’t part of the conversation anyways. Maybe I should have said something like “Oh I didn’t even know you were trying” but I couldn’t. Hubby came up on me just seconds later – with my fish gasping for breath face still on and asked what was going on and I said “I think A is telling people she might be pregnant” So after church hubby goes to A and tells her what I heard and asked her what was going on b/c I’m supposed to be her best friend. She goes all drama queen and starts saying she doens’t know how rumors like that get started blah blah blah. Then she comes out to talk to me and says the same thing. I just told her what I heard and said, “A I’m not upset. We just didn’t realize you were trying, and it was a bit of a shock” She says the rumor thing again and says they’re not even trying and she’s sure she’s not. “I said well it’s not a rumor if you are telling people something about yourself” and she just laughed and said well B thinks she is but she’s sure she’s not. So flash forward to this weekend. I decide to just set differences aside and spend some time with A – after all she’s my best friend. She has several glasses of wine while here and talks about how they’re not trying she just stopped taking the pill and she’s sure she’s not. She also tells me hubby and I should just go ahead and pursue adoption and then maybe we’ll get pregnant without IVF. (“Hmmm thanks for the advice – that I’ve told you before hurts when coming from my inlaws b/c we’ve heard that one frequently before. So glad my best friend listens to me so well”) Then she leaves and I get a text from a friend who tells me A told her today she’s pretty sure she’s pregnant. I’m so irritated right now. I don’t understand why she’s not being honest with me and why everything has to be a competition with her. I’m mostly irritated with myself b/c I’ve been through this before with her multi times for different situations and I should know not to trust her. So why do I let myself get sucked into her drama constantly??!! Aaaaargh. So I’ve decided to work on keeping my distance. I’m not one for confrontation and my issue is simply the lack of honesty – which lessens my ability to trust her. In some ways this whole mess is so junior high and I don’t need the stress of that while hubby and I try to get pregnant again. We’ve got enough of our own stress from that. So thanks for listening. I simply needed to vent the whole mixed up mess and I was afraid to tell hubby everything b/c he would want to confront her and it’s just not worth it. Plus since she’s married to hubby’s cousin then family tends to get involved and what a mess. I just hope if she is pregnant that she lays off the wine – I would have to say something about that and that they didn’t decide to do this just because we are going back to Dr. B.

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One thought on “Weekend Update

  1. It's frustrating when our friends are insensitive to our struggles, isn't it? I will say I have a friend who lives a few hours from me that I avoided calling when I found out I was pregnant . . . and then again, when it was a girl. (She wanted one SO badly and had tried different, ahem, techniques.) Anyway, I just knew that b/c of her difficulties in getting pregnant and then in getting a girl (3 boys — she did get pregnant again after me), the news would hurt her. It did. She cried. But she didn't mean to, and I felt so bad for her, you know? Maybe it's not quite the same, but maybe there's a little bit of that there.

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