You Take the Good, You Take the Bad and there you have…..

So the good is that today we were able to do my HSG test in spite of the fact that Aunt Flo seems to have settled in for a long stay. Seriously – day 16 and she’s still here!! Talk about unwanted guests. At least we didn’t drive up there only to have another embarrassing moment in stirrups.

As for the bad – well we don’t have any definites, but there’s a possibility that my left tube is blocked. (so even though it’s a bad – it could be an explanation of why things don’t work for us. which is something I’ve wanted – no needed for 4 + years) At this point we’re in a holding pattern. When the hospital janitor did the first hsg test 3 years ago they noticed some irregularities. So Dr. B did exploratory laproscopy to get a good look at things. At that point he thought we were good to go. (clearly something was good to go b/c after 4 IUIs and 1 IVF we have our WeeMan) So now Dr B is going to take a look at all the old slides and have his partners take a look at things and then we’ll talk again. If it is blocked or if we are dealing with a hydrosalpinx, then we will probably be talking about removing my left tube. If we are dealing with a hydrosalpinx then integramed will probably not approve us for the Attain program unless it is removed. I’m conflicted about the whole thing for silly reasons. If my tube is blocked it’s not helping me get pregnant, but the thought of having a vital piece of my womanly reproductive parts removed makes me sad, scared, mad, worried, feel a bit like a failure…. if you can name it I’m probably feeling it right now. They will still be able to use my left ovary for IVF – but not for us just getting pregnant on our own. (Of course if it’s blocked it’s not working for that anyways – but still!) Another interesting thing is that he said this could be why sometimes I have such bad cramping and pain on my left side. Hmmmmmm that aspect would have been nice to deal with about 20 years ago!

So that’s where we are today…. circling, waiting, and praying. I’m trying so hard to give this all back up to God, but as a woman and a control freak – giving this part of me up is difficult to say the least. I’ll keep praying though and asking God to work with my heart so that I can give it to Him. I appreciate all your prayers and your kind words. It makes my heart ache to know so many of you have been on this same path and had to deal with the same heart ache, but I find comfort in your support and strength.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “You Take the Good, You Take the Bad and there you have…..

  1. {hugs} I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. I just read a young couples blog the other night, and she has severe endometriosis and IVF is pretty much their only option. She and her husband aren't in 100% agreement about going forward with IVF, and it's putting a strain on their marriage. It just broke my heart! I pray God gives you wisdom, and lots more miracles in the future. đŸ™‚ You're NOT a failure!

  2. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all the uncertainty. I would never ever ever think you are in any way a failure if a body part is not working ~ nor would you of another! So go easy on you! At least this could be an answer, and help you! I have a friend who always had unresolved issues and tried everything. After extensive work they were able to work to get one son and told not to try any more. A few years later they had a healthy daughter. Never lose faith. God loves you and has made you perfectly.I adored the hysterical note on your WeeMan – a perfect name after the poor cat story! Bahaha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s