Writing out my hurts

When I was a little girl and you asked me what I wanted to be – my answer was alway a writer. I was going to live in either New York City or Alaska (I know I know huge difference!) and write books. Writing has ALWAYS given me comfort and helped me make sense of my world and my hurts. I used to write all the time. I have journals filled with words that sometimes I go and read back through. I have notebooks stuffed full of stories that were started and never finished and poems that eased some sort of hurt I was feeling. They reside in my hope chest along with my Cabbage Patch Doll, some letters from my best friend and some from my grandma, and my high school yearbooks. In an argument or to express my hurt or disappointment, I prefer to write out my words. They are braver and make more sense if they land on paper first. I write in waves – some months I write a lot and others I’m hard pressed to pick up a pen. In the inbetween times when I’m not writing in notebooks and journals – well I blog about my life. But in the inbetween times I forget how much the feel of paper and pen and words pouring out can soothe my heart and wash away the hurts, until pen finds its way back into my hand in a moment’s lull and words pour forth on meeting notes or scraps and bits of paper.

This morning after a rough night and a morning commute filled with quiet prayer I found a pen in my hand once more. (Okay I was supposed to be writing notes from our staff meeting… but my head and heart were otherwise occupied) As pen flowed across paper – words found their way out and my heart began to feel lighter. As usual when I am hurting words took the shape of a loose unrhyming poem. I’m no Emily Dickenson, but the words soothed my soul this morning and my little poem has found a place in my planner – where I can see it and be comforted often. I don’t share what I write with pen and paper all that often – in fact it’s very rare – but it seems appropriate today as you have all read my heart in the past few days. So here goes

Hope

Broken
Pieces shattered, scattered
Trying, wishing, hoping, not enough
Questioning, begging, cursing, bargaining
Tears streaming
Eyes burning
Heart aching
Knees shaking, bending, falling
Head bowing
Words whispered, pleading, giving over
Peace coming
Broken pieces gathered
By a hand that shaped the universe
Lovingly mended, gently placed
A new heart waits
Trusting the Father’s plan

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2 thoughts on “Writing out my hurts

  1. I also use writing to release those emotions that are hard. I have quite a collection – but have never been brave enough to share them. Yours is beautiful. I can see your journey through the pain in every word.

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