Choices (TTC)

I used to be a walker but then life happened and I stopped. Today I went for a nice long walk. I walked for an hour. While I walked I listened to my ipod and pondered the choices we need to make. I didn’t come up with any decisions, but I felt better after a nice long walk. I came home and told hubby I need to make it a habit again. Now back to the choices we have to make…

Today is cd 1 and I find myself and my hubby in a quandry. We’ve been planning to do IVF and now we’re at the moment of decision time. We were thinking about November – but I’m just not sure that November is the right time for us. That’s only two months away. Our budget is new and this will mean expenses that could throw us for a tizzy – meds mostly. I’ve also not lost the weight I planned on losing and so I don’t feel at my healthiest point either. My cycle has been a mess lately – remember the whole fiasco with the HSG test in August? Well September was as odd. I never had a heavy day so I’m not sure when cd1 was and then I spotted off and on all month. So….. that means that I need to go on birth control for a month the month before we try to regulate things. (I know ironic that we’re trying to get pregnant and I need to go on the pill!) I’ve been taking Fertibella – a vitamin supplement that is supposed to enhance your fertility. Today I’m super crampy on my right lower back. (Usually the trolls always attack the left side- which is usually the side I ovulate on based on prior experience and also happens to be the side with the weird pocket in the tube – which could prevent an egg from getting where it needs to be when it needs to be there…. I’m wondering if the cramps on the right side could be a sign that I ovulated on the right side this time and if that could be a sign that the Fertibella vitamins are doing something. So…. I find myself in a quandry. I don’t know whether to call and tell them today is cd 1 and we are ready to climb on the crazy rollercoaster again… or to wait until after Christmas and shoot for January. I’ve been trying to think of all the pros and cons. I’ve also been trying to figure out what God is telling us/ pushing us to do. Hubby’s not a lot of help. He is all gung ho about going now – but does say whatever I want to do is okay with him – even though he’s anxious to get started. Of course my second guessing the timing makes me wonder if we shouldn’t go ahead and wait. Why can’t decisions be simpler to make – I guess I need God to just sne me a clear sign – cause I’m sure not seeing where he’s trying to point us right now.

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