Patience – My Beast

Patience is definitely something I struggle with. I like to be in control of everything – maybe that’s a result of my mom being a last minute planner growing up (My senior year she was putting the hem in my prom dress about an hour before prom) Whatever the cause I know that patience is a huge weakness of mine. Dealing with my infertility and the challenges we have faced with that has made me really work on that lifeskill. The first round of IUI’s and IVF was the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my life and I struggled against giving up control until November after three failed IUI’s. We were at a fork in the road and we didn’t know which way we were supposed to go – whether to pursue adoption or IVF. One Friday night I hit my breaking point. I found myself on my knees in the future nursery – sobbing and praying to God to just guide us. Railing at him for the pain and the misery and the failed attempt after failed attempt. At that point I found myself turning everything over to him. Trusting him to guide us, waiting on his schedule. Once I gave up that control – things began to move easier. I was no longer struggling with my time schedule. Pieces fell into place that I just hadn’t been able to make fit previously. When I had patience life with infertility was easier – and I could see that all along God was in control. He knew where he was trying to take me – but I had to go there on his time frame.

I subscribe to Anne Graham Lotz’s daily devotionals through AnGeL Ministries. They are nice short thought provoking reads for me when I first turn on my computer. Today’s hit very close to home as I struggle once again with the devil – impatience. Perfect timing for a well placed reminder. Thought I would share it with you today in case any of you struggle with the same beast.

Patiently Waiting

“God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded.Genesis 8:1, NIV

When the text says God “remembered,” it simply means the time had come for God to act on His own initiative, which required nothing of Noah except patient waiting.I wonder if Noah was just going about the chores he had been doing every day for weeks and months, feeding the animals, cleaning the stalls, when he was startled by a shaft of light coming through the open space just below the roofline. Did he drop his broom and stumble over the feed bucket as he yelled for his family while scurrying toward the upper deck and the window he had put into the side of the ark? With trembling hands did he throw back the shutters, gasping as the brilliant sunshine stung his eyes and the icy wind blew across his face? With his eyes watering and his voice choked with emotion, did he embrace his wife while he shouted his praise to the God Who had sent the storm, but Who also sent the sunshine? Noah knew God had remembered him! God was moving to change his circumstances in answer to his silent prayers!

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