faith

Today we start the Day 21 Lupron – this is one of the meds to help prepare us for IVF.  This med will keep us from ovulating until we are ready for the procedure in about a month.  I’ve been praying for God to continue to guide us and show us our path and to help me have faith – b/c faith is one of the things I struggle the most with.  I confess I’m a control freak and I struggle with really giving this journey up to God.  Well, He’s answering my prayers – just not in the way I wanted and expected Him too.  We got a call from Dr. B’s office today they needed an updated height and weight for our application for the multicycle program (we pay one fixed cost and it covers two frozen and two fresh cycles)  I gave them my height and then I fudged by about 5 pounds on my weight – on the lower side of course.  They called back and the program needs the weight to be from the doctor’s office – so I have to go in and be weighed on Wednesday before we get into the program.  The nurse said she’s never had that happen before – which makes me think we’re probably not going to get in b/c my weight is too high.  So yep – I”m scared and worried – and I asked Steve what he wanted to do if we didn’t get in – b/c we’re supposed to start the meds today and we have to decide and he says we’ve got the meds and we’ve got the money – so forward we go.  If we don’t get in we will have enough money to cover one fresh cycle – this month and then we could save a little more and have enough for another fresh cycle in a couple of months or we can go forward right away with a frozen cycle – if we have any to freeze.  So giant leap of faith for me.  I’m trying so hard to give this up and say God whatever is supposed to happen – make it happen.  (But the voice in the back of my head says make it happen but only the way I think it should happen – and how do you make that voice shut up?)  Please pray for my faith as we move forward – please pray that God guides us and that I can hear his voice above my own.

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2 thoughts on “faith

  1. Ahhh this is a tough one. I so am with you on control. Wait til little Man gets older, and the girls start calling, texting, and all that good stuff. I check my sons phone and facebook every 5 minutes…just to be sure there is nothing I should be concerned with. And you know what? It is not on his part I am that concerned, it is the girls who are soooo very aggressive. Well I can go on and on about control. But GOOD LUCK on this all…

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