For my birthday hubby and his parents and my mom bought me a Kindle – that’s not the life changing part. It arrived yesterday and I went ahead and put a few books on it. I’m already about half way through the first one and it is AMAZING.
I’m reading One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Wherever You Are” by Ann Voskamp. I had seen several of the blogs I follow had recommended or mentioned the book which only came out very recently and I had to see what the buzz was about. Well – this book came to me at the exact right moment in my life. Isn’t it funny how God makes that happen. I’d been lost – feeling sad and blue and doubting and like a fish swimming upstream – hopeless. (Part of why I haven’t been around much since we canceled this cycle) It was heartshattering and hurting and somewhere in the hurt I found myself thinking “If God is so good why does he make things so hard?” I didn’t want to think that – but there it was in the whispers in my heart. Ann Voskamp writes in her book about thinking the same thing…. but then in the hurts and disappointments in life she writes this.
“I wonder too … if the rent in the canvas of our life backdrop, the losses that punctuate our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see.
To see through to to God.
That that which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually bevcome the thin open places to see through the mess of this place to the heartaching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave.”
She writes about pain and loss and finding grace in being thankful for the everyday. She writes about starting a list of 1000 things she loves and is grateful for and how in doing that she realized she was giving God glory, and in the process of that she felt herself changing accepting God’s grace and being truly saved . I’m only halfway through the book and my eyes are opened. In so many ways I’ve made the same mistakes Ann talks about. I’ve hurried and rushed and missed the beauty in the ugly every day. I’ve felt like a failure because I can’t get everything done and I can’t make my body do what it’s supposed to and I’ve questioned and doubted God’s love for me. So I’m starting my own gratitude list – my own thousand things to be grateful for and I’m hoping that somewhere in the writing and the pausing to really see my heart changes like Ann’s.
Here’s a link to her website.
Counting my Gifts
1.Hand me down towel for a Monkey Boy
2. Puddles of water on the floor after a bath
3. Words that inspire
4 Black Velvety ears
5. Warm weight of beast on my legs
6. Sweet warm tea
7. “Dank you, daddy”
8. Hotwheels in piles on the floor and rows on the coffee table
9. Bedtime prayers with daddy
10. An old familiar hymn in an unexpected place