This weekend was not a restful one for me. My mom came to visit – which always adds stress to my life. She has two small dogs and of course both dogs came with her in spite of my hubby’s allergies. She really can’t afford to kennel them right now. She is struggling quite a bit lately. In April my dad will have been gone two years. I know that she is lonely, I know that she is hurting because she doesn’t get to see her grandbabies as much as she would like, I know that all of this is an adjustment for her. She is having to figure everything out on her own, when she’s never been on her own. She moved straight from her parents house to her home with her new husband. That’s how things were back then. I know all of that and I spent much of the weekend praying for patience and for the right words. Sometimes I want to tell her to suck it up and pick herself up – we all miss my dad dreadfully. There’s this huge hole where he used to be. Obviously I don’t tell her those things – it would devestate her. Instead my brother and I sat down with her and tried to show her how to budget and I explained the Dave Ramsey envelopes that hubby and I use. (She asked for our help) but she wasn’t real receptive. I think what she actually wanted was us to give her money so this month wouldn’t be so tight. She has enough for her bills this month – but not much else. (She’s a shopper and has racked up more credit card bills. We payed all of them off when daddy died and made her cut up the cards, but she has apparently gotten more.) She spends too much time on ebay and amazon buying things she doesn’t need with money she doesn’t have and I know she’s trying to fill the hole left by my dad. I’ve talked to her about talking to someone at her church and I’ve talked to her about looking for a part time job. But neither one of those are things she wants to do. I think she’s too embarassed to talk to someone at church and she feels that if she had a job she wouldn’t be able to just go when she wants to or do what she wants to do. I ended up giving her $50. It’s really all hubby and I can afford right now. We’re trying to live by the envelopes and get our own debt paid off and get some savings built up. I can’t call it a loan b/c I know she can’t pay it back, I’m just frustrated today. I know she won’t share any of this with my other sister b/c her hubby would go ballistic so it’s all on my brother and I and he’s got a good job, but he’s been out of school less than a year and I know this is a lot to put on him. I guess I just needed to rant and to ask the bloggy world to say a prayer for my mom – that God will guide her and help her with this time.
As far as our IVF journey – well we’re trucking forward. I do two shots a day. I am doing a Menopur shot every evening around 6 and a Follistem shot every morning at 6. They have to be done at the same time everyday – so that probably didn’t help my stress this weekend. No lazy sleeping in mornings for me. The other part that bothers me the tiniest bit is there’s no way to know if the meds are working until tomorrow when I go to the doctor. It’s not like you can feel the follicles growing. So yep – I’m probably worrying the tiniest bit about that too. I know that in the end if God works another miracle through this – well I won’t care about the sleeping in or the worry. All of that pales when you’re holding a sweet little baby.
Not a very chipper post for Valentine’s day I’m afraid – but I am wishing you all a Happy Valentines Day and sending you all some love.