Heart Broken

The news was not good today.  We are definitely not pregnant.  I’d forgotten how crushing the negatives can be.  Isn’t it funny how you try so hard to convince yourself you’ll have peace with whatever God’s answer is, yet when the answer comes and it’s not the one you want to hear – it still breaks your heart into a million tiny pieces.  Can’t seem to stop crying and hugging my WeeMan tonight.  I’m sure he’s thinking mommy’s lost her mind.  I keep wishing they’d call and tell me there was a mistake and they read the test wrong…but I know they’re not going too.  I even came home and took a home test – like that would be more reliable than a blood test. 

We’ve got two more tries.  I’ve made an appt for Apr. 12 to talk to Dr. B about what our plan is.  He was booked solid until then, but that will give us time to regroup and mourn.  (I know we’re mourning something we didn’t really have, but stll that’s how it feels.)  Maybe by then I can put the pieces to my heart back together. 


4 thoughts on “Heart Broken

  1. Oh, girl. I'm so sorry. 😦 Been thinking about you all day long today, and you've really been on my heart. Trust still hurts, doesn't it? I know nothing I have to say will help you feel any better, but do know I'm praying for you guys, that you will be a Mama again.

  2. Sorry I didn't get over here sooner. I get busy with life and caught up with things, but you're in my thoughts and prayers. So sorry. I remember that feeling, the negatives of not being pregnant. I think I cried an entire day each month that passed and I wasn't pregnant. It was really hard. It IS a state of mourning. I can't imagine how hard it had to be for the women in the Bible who had difficulty getting pregnant: Hannah and Rachel. Knowing that they had no doctors or tests or anything, just prayers that they must have often wondered why they seemed to fall on ears that felt like maybe He wasn't listening, when really, He just had a different plan. I know that doesn't help. It doesn't help when you're in the situation and you wonder why it has to be "me." I asked that, a lot. But I think God put a lot of women in the Bible with that situation b/c He knows how hard it is for us women to bare. But I remember too, that with the passing of a week or so, I was again looking forward to trying again and thinking that maybe next time would be the right time, and this horrible pain of disappointment would finally be passed. Praying for you right now. 🙂 Praying that this would be your last time of disappointment. 🙂

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