So I had a friend call and leave me a voice mail today. I sent her a text along with all my other close friends telling them about our news and then I posted on Facebook yesterday – anyways this friend called me today and left a voicemail saying She just wanted to see if I was in a better mood today cause I seemed a little bummed yesterday and she thought maybe I’d want to go out tonight for a drink – since I’m not pregnant. I know I should give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was trying to cheer me up… but this friend is one who was with us through our first go round so knows what we went through three years ago. She’s also the same friend who professed to never want kids and then proceeded to go off birth control and get pregnant after we told them we were going to Dr. B – both times. Now when I talk to her all she talks about it why on earth anyone would want two kids at once and how hard it is to be the mommy of two and she doesn’t know what she was thinking.

So…. I’m trying to leave some distance. Unfortunately she’s now related to me by marriage on my hubby’s side – so I can’t completely write her off or tell her exactly how she is making me feel. Last time I tried to talk to her about that she went to her mil who then went to my in laws and hubby and I were yelled at b/c I was being mean to poor little her. Grrrrr!!

So on top of being heartsore – I’m mad tonight. Actually that might be a good thing it’s at least distracted me from the constant crying I did last night. I’m still leaking tears tonight, but they’re not constant anymore. I know I know I”m truly blessed – especially when I watch the news in Japan today – but my heart still hurts and if that makes me selfish or ungrateful – well I guess that’s what I need to be for a bit.

Tomorrow we’re getting out of the house. Going to take WeeMan to the Muncie Children’s Museum. Just need to be doing something so I’m not thinking.


One thought on “Seriously…

  1. My heart aches for you. You did lose something very special dear one – you lost a dream. But God is the King of Dreams – and He has amazing plans for you. Weep and mourn – always remembering that He loves you. Ps.56:8 "You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger,each ache written in your book." MSG

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