This past weekend was a much needed break for our family. I made it through work on Friday with only a few tears. Both times when someone asked when we would find out if we were pregnant. At the end of the day my tears turned to anger/ frustration with the friend situation. Hubby was sweet enough to watch WeeMan Friday night while I soaked in a warm bubble bath. (I kinda missed real books at that point – didn’t want to read my Kindle in the tub. That didn’t seem like a great idea.)
Saturday morning we woke WeeMan up nice and early and took him to breakfast at our favorite diner. Then we were off to Muncie to the Children’s Museum. It’s just a little museum and it’s definitely more for younger kids, but he enjoys it. There’s a lot of pretend areas – grocery store, vet’s office, school. Plus there’s a big water table area, a dinosaur dig area, a few animals, and a huge model train display. We spent two hours wondering around and playing. It was good for everyone. Then we went to lunch and Meijer’s and did some grocery shopping. We wrapped up the day by having a couple from our small group over with their little girl. Kristie and Andre have really become good friends to us. It was nice to be able to visit with them one on one and just hang out. Plus WeeMan loves playing with their little girl even though she’s a year older than him.
With the time change WeeMan’s sleeping schedule was difficult Saturday night. He stayed up a little later than normal playing with his friend. Then around 3 am he woke up screaming. We let him cry for about 10 minutes. (He cries out in his sleep a few times a week, so we were hoping he’d go back to sleep.) No such luck though. I ended up bringing him downstairs and getting him snuggled into his tonka chair with his blanket and Nick Jr. Then I nested on the couch. Around 3:30 he came to me and wanted to lie with me on the couch. Yes I know you’re not supposed to sleep with little ones but WeeMan is pretty good sized and he was clearly upset about something. So I tucked him in on my belly and we fell asleep together on the couch. In the morning when I was getting him ready for church I asked if he had a bad dream last night and he said, “Nakes get me mommy. Nakes in my bed” He was adament that there were snakes getting him in his bed. So we talked about how mommy and daddy would never let anything get him. Then it was off to church and to feed the ducks.
At the end of the day after small group and bath time we went to tuck WeeMan in. But he didn’t want to get in his bed. He just kept telling us there were snakes and they were getting him. We had avoided talking about snakes all day so we were hoping it was a one time thing. We ended up taking everything off his bed and showing him it was empty. Then we checked under the bed. Then we set up all his animals around his bed to watch over him and we gave him his dinosaur flashlight. Plus he had his little lamp on that we always leave on for him. Even with all of that he cried for about 10 minutes after we tucked him in. We don’t know what has brought this on all of a sudden. We saw one snake at the Children’s Museum, but it was all curled up in it’s house not moving and WeeMan just kind of looked at it and moved on. He hasn’t watched any shows with snakes. He only watched Nick Jr. or Disney and occasionally Sprout. The only show we can think of with snakes is Diego.
Tomorrow night we’re going to try spraying around his bed with magic water. I honestly don’t know what else to try and it’s heartbreaking to see him so scared. Any suggestions would be welcome!
As for me and Steve – my heart still hurts, but not constantly. I have minutes of bitterness and questioning, but they’re not disabling. I’ve been trying to do my Beth Moore lessons for the week. I’m in a women’s group on Wednesday nights and we’re reading “Living Beyond Yourself Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit”. I’ve struggled some getting the work done this week. The lessons are all about peace. I’ve made it through three. I think I’ve been reluctant this week, because part of me doesn’t want peace right now. I want to hurt and mourn and not be at peace with things I can’t control. But I’m trying.
We’ve resolved to use this wait time to work on being healthier and getting ourselves ready. It will probably be June before we’re ready to try again. (We’ve got at least one more try) Honestly waiting until then will put everything in a better timing for us. I’ll have less stress once school gets out. Plus if or as hubby says when it works that would put a due date right around spring break next year – so I could probably take the rest of the year off next year and then have summer break before going back to work. Plus WeeMan is starting to potty train and hopefully will be fully trained before we’d have another one in diapers. Plus it gives us more time with WeeMan on his own. He’d be three before becoming a big brother. So – while I know waiting is probably better for us anyways and maybe that was all part of God’s plan. Part of me doesn’t care. I just want to be pregnant now – not later. Partly because I’m all emotional and sore right now. My cycle started which just amplifies everything.