Worst Case Scenario

Today we go back to Dr. B at 2:30. It’s for our failed IVF consult. I’ve never had one of these appointments before since IVF worked the last time on the first try and we didn’t really do this for IUI. I guess we’re just going to talk about what we can do differently this time and timing of our next try. Being the worrier that I am I’m worried that he’s going to tell us he doesn’t think we should try again. I’m a worst case scenario kind of girl and I’m very afraid that today we’ll get bad news. As far as I know there’s no reason he should tell us we’re no go. I feel heart sick today – partly because I’m worrying and imagining the worst and partly because I think I’m wondering whether trying again is what we’re supposed to do. It’s what I want to do. I know hubby and I have talked about adopting if things don’t work… but I am not ready to accept that as our option in my heart. I wonder if I’m being selfish – I mean we’ve been so blessed with WeeMan and so many of my friends have not been blessed yet. Am I asking God for too much by wanting more? I know that all things are possible for him… but is it more than I should have. Should we just be happy with the blessings we have – should we be looking at adoption and thinking that’s the best option for us. What if my heart wants to be a mother again through my body? Does that make me a horrible person that I want to feel a baby move inside me again, that I want to bring a tiny little person into the world and know that he or she is part of me and my husband and all the people we love that came before us, that I want to experience all the miracles that come with pregnancy again? If not – why do I feel guilty?

Anyways once again we’re waiting. Our appointment is at 2:30 – so I’ll try to be back once I know something.


2 thoughts on “Worst Case Scenario

  1. MamaMonki don't give up hope! Best wishes and thoughts for you today:)Also want to give you a Stylish Blogger Award over on my blog http:/mamasgottago.blogspot.com/I really like your blog and hope you will accept this award.

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