Hopeful with Restraint

At my check today things looked terrific.  I have more follicles than we thought all along.  We’d been thinking my right side was a low responder until today when it seems that the follicles have caused it to move and be more visible.  Instead of 5 there were about a dozen hiding on there.  The left follicle had over 20.  Altogether today there were 16 follicles big enough for retrieval today and by actual retrieval day there may be more.  I’m doing a lupron trigger shot at 10pm tonight.  Tomorrow I’ll go up to Fort Wayne for my pre-op and then on Wednesday morning Hubby and I have to be in Carmel by 8. 

How am I feeling right now?  Up and down and all around.  I go from hopeful and happy seeing positive signs everywhere to worried and fearful and scared to my teeth.  I’ve got a constant prayer running through my head – an ongoing sadly one sided pleading conversation with God.  I’m praying my Sun Stand Still prayer – begging God for a miracle – even though there are people much more deserving than me – with bigger more important miracles at stake. 

Healthwise the ginormous ovaries have caused me to bloat – my jeans hurt and I’ve gained 4 pounds according to the scale tonight.  So I skipped Weight Watchers – didn’t feel like making excuses and explanations.  Hopefully when I go back I’ll be down to my new normal – of course hopefully I’ll be getting ready to gain some weight for a good reason.  Let’s see what else – oh yeah heart burn.  I’m pretty sure things are pushing on things that don’t normally get pushed on causing heartburn.  The girls are sore too – I swear when I let them out at night they ache so that they bring tears to my eyes – try explaining that to a two year old who thinks you are his monkey bars and a husband that considers them his personal playground!  I can’t drink carbonated beverages or eat too much – there’s just not room for either.  (man I miss my diet coke) However in spite of all the aches and pains and embarrasment and things I miss – I wouldn’t change any of it – not with what’s at stake – what’s so possible right now I ache with longing.   Oh yeah I’m a hormononal mess right now – I go from extreme irritation to crying over commercials (why is it the ASPCA commercials seem so plentiful when you’re all jacked up on hormones?)

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3 thoughts on “Hopeful with Restraint

  1. Oh, girl! I'm praying, too. {{hugs}} Our God is good, despite when His plans don't match up to ours. He knows. I know you know He knows, and I wish I had something more encouraging to say. Just know I have your name on a piece of paper, taped to my computer screen…and I'm prayin'.

  2. I hope things all work out. Just think how strong you are to do this. To put your body through this. Look at your little man, and just keep hoping. Don't worry about not making it up to our fair on Sunday….it was TOO HOT this week!

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