Heart Ache

My heart hurts tonight.  It feels like it’s broken into a million pieces.  Just can’t quit crying.  Bloodwork today looked beautiful but the u/s showed no sac.  Based on the amount of bleeding and lining I lost last night – we’re pretty sure that we lost the baby too.  I have to go back to the doctor on Sunday to make sure my hCG level is coming down.  They are worried that if we didn’t lose the baby it may be a tubal pregnancy. 

I know I have been blessed with a beautiful son, a home, an amazing husband, and a strong group of friends – but right now it’s hard to see the blessings.  I’m trying to find a way to count this as a gift -a grace.  The only thing I can say is for a week I had a beautiful dream and the gift of hope.  I think though it would have been easier if we had never had the positive tests to begin with.  At least then we wouldn’t be hurting so badly. 

I don’t know what Sunday will bring.  I want to pray for a miracle – that the doctor and nurses are wrong.  I know my God is mighty – but I don’t want to hurt more if I let myself believe it’s possible.  Right now I’m hurt and I’m mad and I just don’t understand why this had to happen.

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8 thoughts on “Heart Ache

  1. I'm soooo sorry. I'm joining you in prayer for that miracle. I'm also praying that you would feel the comfort that surpasses all understanding. I haven't lost a baby in utero but I did lose my baby 10 days after he turned 18. It's never right to lose a child, no matter how small or how old. 😦 Sending you virtual hugs. ((( )))

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