We spent the day wandering around the zoo. We decided we couldn’t spend another day in the house being sad – that for WeeMan’s sake we needed to go try. You know what – surprisingly – well we had a good day. Oh they were moments where we brushed away tears. And there were times I had to just stop and catch my breath – but we were together and we were trying. I spent the day still praying for a miracle. Begging God that one of the beans is still in there holding on and growing – that tomorrows blood test will show rising numbers. In my head I know that it’s not likely – but in my heart I have to hope. On the way home from “The Help” I got mixed messages on the radio. The first was “Our God” by Chris Tomlin
So I’m not sure what message that I’m supposed to be hearing. I know God has this all in His hands and I know that He alone is capable of making this into a miracle for us. But I’m struggling tonight – this weekend. I’m struggling to understand why –
I went to see “The Help” with a couple of my best friends tonight. I forgot about the miscarriage – but I didn’t cry. I think I cried myself out last night – when my WeeMan asked me if my heart felt better and if baby corn was in my belly (we’d been telling him he couldn’t climb on mommy’s belly b/c she had baby beans growing in there) My heart broke when my hubby hugged him and told him the baby corn was with Grandpa now keeping him company in heaven. Nope guess I’m not cried out yet.