Our family picked up the pieces and tried to go back to our normal schedule today. It was rough going for hubby and I. I think WeeMan was glad to get back to his friends and playmates at the sitters at least. Going back to work meant telling people who knew we had had good news the week before – that everything had changed Thursday night. Going back to work for hubby meant quiet time to think and reflect – and I don’t think that he thought that was a bad thing. Going back to work for me meant trying to stay busy – so I couldn’t think. I know people mean well, but if I hear one more person tell me “God must have another plan” I think I’ll scream. I get it I know that God has another plan. I can understand and comprehend that. What I struggle with is why he had to give us those days of hope – those moments of joy last week…. if they were never meant to be. That’s what hurts the most. In some ways that’s what is shaking my faith. I know in my heart that all of this has to be some part of some bigger plan. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
So we made it through the day. I cried some and I smiled some and I even laughed a bit. It felt good to be able to talk to some of my friends and one of the girls who has been where I am. It felt good to be hugged and to be cried with. (I’m not sure good is the right word – it felt semi- healing. I guess we all go about the business of picking up the pieces and finding our way.
WeeMan and I even ventured out to a friends house this evening. On the way home we were surprised by a rainbow in front of us. It hadn’t even been raining – but there it was. It reminded me of before I was pregnant with WeeMan – when I was in a LOW, LOW place. When I was searching and nearing giving up. I was broken and battered. I pulled out of the grocery store parking lot – and there it was a rainbow – and that time it hadn’t been raining either. Just like then – I’m taking it as a promise – a promise that everything will be okay, eventually. There’s going to be sad days and hurting hearts – but eventually we’ll be joyful again. I came home and planted to gorgeous orange mums in the front flowerbed. Our reminder of our baby beans for years to come.
I’ll wrap up with some happy pictures from the zoo, my superhero boy, and today’s rainbow.