Our family is working on some big changes in February. We are try to dig our way out of debt. We want to be in a better place financially before we even think about moving forward with adoption or anything else. So for the month of February we’re going to try a spending freeze of sorts. We will of course pay our bills and buy necessities that we can’t buy too far ahead of time – like milk, fresh fruits and veggies, etc. We’ve agreed that if we do need to go to the store we will only go to Aldi’s or our dollar stores. We have a Family Dollar and a Dollar General that are well stocked and give good deals with coupons. I’m not sure what we’ll be doing for Valentine’s Day, but I’m hoping to keep it cheap. I think I’m going to make Hubby something… just have to figure out how exactly and what exactly I’m going to do. I know I have plenty of supplies on hand.
I’ve struggled this weekend with the knowledge that we will probably not have another biological child. I watched Dr. Oz on Friday – I’m not a fan of the show, but I knew Friday’s was going to be about IVF and having children at an older age. It definitely raised some concerns and I felt like it pushed us even more towards adopting… but I ache with the thought of not being pregnant again. I loved being pregnant. I loved feeling weeman grow and move inside me. I loved that closeness. I pulled out my maternity clothes and took two big bags to a friend who needed them and it felt good to know they would be used, but it was a bittersweet kind of good.
We went back to our normal church this weekend. It was a bit better, but I still feel so disconnected there. I can’t help thinking about the hope that I felt last Sunday when we walked out of the Awakening Church. When we leave our home church I just feel tired and drained… I don’t think that’s how church is supposed to make you feel. We’re biding our time at our church right now – praying for guidance and for strength to make whatever choice we are supposed to make. I’m thinking by the end of February we’ll have our answers about that front too.
I’ll try to do better about posting this week.