We had a wonderful weekend and should be recovered and ready to face the week ahead… but in my heart I know it’s going to be rough. It seems like we get the pieces picked up and laid back out and the wind comes through and knocks them all back to the ground. I know God won’t give us more than we can handle… but I’m wondering how much more we have to be given. I’m ready to say “uncle” and crawl into my bed and stay for a month or two.
Today we had lunch at one of our friend’s houses from small group. The hubbies took the kiddos outside to play after lunch and K and I were left inside to visit. She got very quiet and very serious and shared with me that they were expecting. She had known for a week, and was dreading telling me… but she wanted to make sure I heard it from her. I know it was breaking her heart to have to tell me. I know it hurt her to share. I know that this is truly a blessing for them b/c they struggled so long and hard the last time. But even knowing all that it’s hard. (Who am I kidding hard doesn’t even begin to cover it) I am happy for them. I even managed to congratulate her and carry on a normal conversation for another hour. Once we were in our car though I broke down. I’ve been crying off and on since we got home. She’s due three days after our due date. I want to rage at the Heavens and stomp my feet and pound my fists on the floor that it’s not fair. (Yep in other words I want to have a big old screaming crying temper tantrum.) I know God can take it if I need to cry and yell, but I also know that’s not going to change anything. It’s not going to make us wake up from this nightmare. So I’m going to cry my eyes out tonight and try to pick myself up again tomorrow and face the week ahead. I’d appreciate prayers though – I go back for another Hcg test on Tuesday and I know it will be rough to be there again – plus on Wednesday we were supposed to have our ultrasound. I know hubby and I are both going to struggle to breathe through that day. (It’s ironic that on Friday hubby found out he had gotten moved up on the waiting list and actually managed to get Wednesday off – now that he doesn’t need it)